SO TIRED ALL THE TIME

I do not understand why I am so tired all the time. I fall asleep while sitting at my desk at work. I am constantly yawning at all times of the day. My body aches and feels sore. I get more than enough sleep and I am trying my best to workout and eat better but I feel more and more tired each and every day. I do not wish to see people and hang out with friends. I do not want to get pretty and be noticed by cute boys. I do not even want to engage in girl talk when my sister calls me. Who am i becoming? or is this who I have always been behind and underneath it all? When I used to feel as if I had a role to play in people’s lives I was so energetic and always putting 110% into my playing my part. I have always been the best at doing and being what people expect of me. The villain, the hero, the victim, the puppet master, the foot soldier, all of it! and now that there are no people around and there are no expectations to meet and exceed…. I am lost. I do not know who i am. I do not know what role to play. I do not have something i look forward to or to be excited about. I just wake up every day and breathe… food is bland, activities are tiring, conversation is in one ear and out the other… i am lost. and i am ALWAYS…. SO…… TIRED……

For my 12 year old son I get up and go to work and make sure we are fed and clothed and that he is happy… its fairly easy to keep a 12 year old boy happy. I wish it was as easy for myself…. I do not want to die or anything like that. It would cause everyone so much hurt and pain. Its selfish… Plus it would really mess my son up… I do not want that… I really just want the energy to stay awake throughout the day. I just want it to not be so exhausting to be alive everyday you know? I just want to be something other than tired……

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