An Apology to Roy Hodgson

What a turnaround Crystal Palace have seen in recent weeks. In their last six games, their record reads; WLDWWW,. 13 points from a possible 18, doesn’t sound too bad for a team who were dabbling in…


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The dream was as graphic lightening,
An epiphanic explosion of light,
It was scary and very frightening,
And woke me with a start in the night.

I thought I was a slick hairdresser
And a member of a rock and roll band
And I’d just bought a new hair dryer,
And it blew up in my hand.

I screamed and frightened my missus,
Her hair rollers got stuck in the sheets,
I looked and yelled out I’ll fix this
I dreamt I performed miracle feats.

I told her about the explosion,
I thought I was a blast of a bloke,
She said I’d had a brain implosion,
To calm down, or I’d soon have a stroke.

I know that women don’t understand me,
So, the next day, I took off to the Pub,
And you don’t need to pay a fee,
As fair, dinky di’s don’t give you the snub.

So, I told my mate of my epiphanic moment,
And he said my mate if you think that’s arcane,
My missus reckons I’m missing a component,
It’s under the bad hairdo and referred to as my brain.

I scratched my head and said that’s funny,
Me missus reckons mine’s missing too,
And she said, sonny, I’d bet you money,
More brains are hanging around at the zoo.

My mate and I ordered fresh schooners,
And discussed the woes of the world,
And we talked in spoonerisms,
As our long moustaches, we twirled


David Rudder

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