WHO ARE YOU?

Not a lot of us truly know who we are

It must have been one of the first sessions I had with my therapist. I remember that virtual meeting cause covid was happening, and I had to appear on that zoom call with my yellow, not fashionable hair bonnet almost resembling my problems. I remember being asked to switch on my camera and panicking because I would be caught unfresh, but the soothing voice from my therapist just did the magic, and there I was, struggling to smile or just be amused by my anxiety. I mean, I had 99 problems underneath this façade, and a hair bonnet that didn’t make it to the wardrobe must-haves in 2020 shouldn’t even be my problem, but oh well, these are all the signs I needed therapy. Right.

The first question was, “how are you?” Of course, I said I was fine, that one’s easy, and my mind’s thinking, is this really what this paid session will be about? would I be asked how brown I enjoy the coffee I don’t drink. She cut me off my raging thoughts with compliments about my eyebrows and how beautiful I looked without makeup and that, of course, made me blush because she was damn right, not vainly speaking. Still, I did look incredible even before hitting the shower. This fact is true. The next question was, what do you want to talk about? And this is where it all started.

The whole time, I wondered if she understood anything I was saying or just taking notes because I had permitted her to. My thoughts weren’t in precise patterns, so I must have talked about everything, ranting about my friends, family, future, and love life. Still, after what would seem like forever, it was her turn to ask me those questions that felt like someone took some mechanical tools and were keeping the iron doors open so they could peek some more and some more. In this case, it was some ransacking into my deepest thoughts, and I panicked.

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